MAWIAGE

Hope you're not sick of me talking about how much I love my husband because if you are then just don't read THIS POST. This is America baby do what you please. BUT if you want to know how we have had what I think of as THE BEST four years of marriage successfully work at such a young age well then...keep reading and I hope you enjoy.

FOUR YEARS (as of January 8th 2015). Oh my gosh. I appreciate every year that we have had together because every year is more special than the last! I love that our anniversary is in January because what a great way to start off the new year! I love celebrating each year by remember the man it is I married and how every year is a new adventure together!

Some people thought it was crazy that I decided to get married at such a young age.....if you didn't know I got married at 19 and Kyle was the ripe old age of 21.......but guess what. I knew what I was doing. I was more of a 30 year old at 19 than I was a 19 year old. I still had maturing to do in different ways but becoming a wife to this man was top priority to me. I didn't care to go out and drink even before I was 21 (and even when I was 21...I was mainly just happy to be able to order a glass of wine with dinner) and I didn't care to do half the things that "people my age" wanted to do whatever that may be...I wanted to be a wife. Now what does that mean.  I didn't want just the wedding (which I think most people who get married as such a young age end up desiring) I wanted to be the wife which is far more than just picking out the white dress and flowers. If you want to get married realize the years following the "I do's" are much longer than getting to them. 

NOW I am sure you just want some bullet points on how it is I believe my marriage/ relationship is just so successful and here you go.

1. We have TONS of fun

Literally....from day one. Picture to prove it. Might seem pretty obvious that you should have fun in a relationship. After all, when we are in the beginning and it's new, it's fresh, it's FUN, it's exciting. Some people lose sight of that fun SO EASILY THOUGH. Fun is the glue to any friendship and after all your relationship is the most important friendship you'll ever have. I literally want to do EVERYTHING with my husband. When I go out with friends, I want him there because he is my best friend. When something exciting happens, I want to call or text him above anyone else. When I learn somethings or do something he's the first person I want to tell. When something new opens or something exciting is happening I want to experience it with him. If you don't  strive to consistently have fun with your significant other, you will start to fade away from each other, find someone else to have fun with, and drift apart. Kyle and I laugh everyday, multiple times a day. We have fun. We are the epitome of fun. You might not think so but that's fine, because I think that we are. Our stupid may not be the stupid you like but so long as we are laughing together I think we are successful. 

2. We COMMUNICATE  

This seems simple and everyone may say "oh we communicate beautifully" but I'll tell you the honest truth...took me a while to learn how to properly communicate with my husband. If you think that you just come together and roses butterflies and rainbows will follow after the I DO'S everyday you're wrong. No matter how much you have in common, no matter how much you agree on, you are two different people with two different opinions, emotions, likes, dislikes. In order to overcome the differences you have to voice your emotions, feelings, opinions and know that it is ok if you don't agree. Took me a long time to realize that we might not agree on everything but agreeing to disagree can and will be ok. I will admit that Kyle's year long deployment before our marriage really prepared me for communication. After all, that's all we could do......talk. We discussed everything and knew everything about each other. We may change along the way but we change together and tell each other when we feel differently about things or opinions so that it's no surprise or comes to the point of saying "I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE" because if you change together, you're still together. So......just talk...real talk. Not just some filler garbage talk.

3. We Listen (sometimes)

It is so easy to listen talk. I think a key factor of the previous bullet point is to be able to listen to what the other person is saying. Kyle and I are both pretty stubborn. When I believe I am right, he better believe it too! AND VICE VERSA.  This one, I struggle with. Even with just the little things. He might tell me something and I might be watching television, reading or doing social media on my phone and completely miss what it is that he just told me even though I responded. THAT'S SO BAD. That needs to stop. We need to take the time to look at each other and open our ears, put away the distractions when we are talking to each other. ESPECIALLY if it is something important! I have come a long way from where I was in the beginning of our relationship when it comes to listening. Still can always improve but one less argument avoided that won't start with "YOU NEVER LISTEN!" I'm sure we have all had one of those! 

4. Think of your significant other MORE than yourself and ADMIT when you're wrong. 

In today's world we are told it's all about ME. Everything I do is to be a better ME. I have to be INDEPENDENT. I have to think about ME before anyone else. Well that's not allowed in a relationship. There is no room to be selfish. Now don't misunderstand that as SUBMISSION to abuse or ill nature. THE POINT about thinking about your significant other is that you KNOW they are also thinking about you! A lot of times, when Kyle wants to do something that I may be opposed to I will stop and think about him. WILL it make HIM happy? I know there is that saying "happy wife happy life" but I HATE THAT. Well maybe not hate BUT happy husband HAPPY ME! When Kyle is happy....I AM HAPPY. I know that in the end, whatever Kyle does that may affect the two of us I know he is not ONLY thinking of himself but me too (that also has to do with trust for one another)! After all, that's what we signed up for! If I only focused on myself and my happiness as well as Kyle pouring in all his happiness into making sure I'm good then where does that leave him. DRAINED. It needs to be a balance of making sure you're both thinking of one another's HAPPINESS. 

5. LOVE

Ah yes love. Such an easy thing we think. We are flooded with stories, movies, books about this seemingly blissful and easily accomplished emotion from the day we are born. The best advice my father ever told me was in the wedding letter he wrote to me and gave right before I walked down the aisle. Biggest bullet point of it was "love is not an EMOTION or FEELING. It is an ACTION. A VERB. There are going to be days where you're not going to like Kyle but that's ok because you can still LOVE him and be a great wife even if you don't really like him. You have to chose to be with him emotionally everyday Emily and I promise you, your marriage with have all the love it needs if you chose to love and not feel the love." 

LITERALLY the best advice anyone could ever ask for. I love my husband as a feeling of course but in times where we may not have listened to each other, or communicated effectively, or agree, I can't just run away. I would never just leave or stop trying to love. IT IS A CHOICE. You chose to get married and you should chose to stay married. I love Kyle with all my heart and being and look forward to being cranky old people together. 

Four years together, many more to go. I wouldn't change one thing. 

I hope everyone can have what I think it is we have and for all marriages to work because everyone deserves to laugh the way Kyle and I laugh.