Cooking: the best and worst thing ever

I LOVE FOOD. 

"The way to my heart is through my stomach" should be written on my grave stone because food is not only essential to life, but one's true happiness. I am by no means a world class chef nor would I defeat Bobby Flay on one of his many cooking shows but I find that I enjoy chopping veggies on my wonderful large cutting board (found at Ikea for only 10 dollars I might add), trying out new and adventurous recipes, and just having my home filled with the aromas of meats, herbs, sauces, soups, just makes me smile. NOT TO MENTION knowing that I have created a delightfully wonderful meal to share with my husband is all the more rewarding.

I was fortunate enough to have a mother that didn't believe in canned vegetables and that every meal should consist of at least one starch, meat, and vegetable. She will also make enough food to feed a small country when she's only invited 5 people over and will talk nervously about how she probably doesn't have enough. It's actually quite adorable but makes me mad because I just want her to enjoy her hard work paying off as everyone sits and delights in the deliciousness but instead she thinks about making another cake to go with her homemade Creme Bru Le (and it's to DIE for. PS Mom if you're reading this I love you, and you'd win Top Chef). I also have a father who considers himself to be an "Italian stallion" of the kitchen and, in my mind, he is hands DOWN the king of sandwiches. I don't care about Food Networks supposed Sandwich King (ironically enough his name is also Jeff) because he's got nothing on my dad. It always seems that the things I make are never as good as "mom" or "dads" homemade meals. I could follow their recipes to a T and still not be completely satisfied with the outcome. I guess that's just the magic parental touch of love they bring to the stove top.

So what's the best and worst thing about cooking? Well I have found by far the perfect picture to capture the pros and cons of trying to become Julia Childe: 

Well of course the positive outcome of cooking is the end result and hopefully without any burns, rawness, lack of flavor, and just lack of delight. On the food of course. On your person, that I can't promise won't happen. Why even tonight, while making my homemade meatballs in homemade tomato sauce, I somehow ran into a wall. No I'm not speaking in metaphors of a block in the road of creativity, I literally bashed my head into the wall. While harnessing the spirit of Giada De Laurentis, I was cleaning off the counter, heading for the garbage when a spoon fell off the counter startling me and hence the sudden bash into the wall as I turned to look at what was happening to my glorious home-made meal. Luckily that wasn't as bad as the many burns, scrapes, scars, fogged glasses, and missing ingredients you could have sworn were in your cabinet only to discover gnomes had taken for their home. No, if hitting my head was the only terrible part of the food making process this evening, then I must deem tonights dinner a great success and chocolate chip cookies were certainly devoured to celebrate. 

I try to cook the way my mother does. Less canned more fresh, from scratch, just to show the love and time put in to make sure you're bellies appreciate the hard work. All in all I will admit, it will always taste better too. I made a delicious homemade pork tenderloin where you cut slits every 1/2 inch or so, take an apple and place the slices in between the cuts, drizzle with cinnamon, honey, and a chopped onion as well as extra apples slices around the tenderloin, in the crockpot on low for 4 hours. I put a little apple cider at the bottom of the crockpot and BOY was it DELICIOUS. SO EASY TOO. I wasn't feeling so hot that day so to be able to just throw such easy ingredients into the pot and relax is by far the best thing that any amateur cook could ask for. Even an experienced cook! I doubt Ina Garten cooks for Jeffery like that every single day. Okay, she probably does cause that's her only job and she's living it up in the Hampton's where life is a dream. For me however I work Monday through Friday sometimes all day so to be able to do about 5 minutes of prep and then let a kitchen appliance do the rest of the work, call me Emeril Lagasse. POW! Is that what he says? Maybe it's boom. Whatever. POINT IS ain't nobody got time for spending hours upon hours in the kitchen unless it's thanksgiving so keep it simple (stupid). Do what makes you smile and enjoy the eating part more than the prepping part. At least that's what keeps me coming back to the kitchen. That and I inherited my parents natural talent for cooking so, good pick Kyle. I'm such a keeper. 

Less Social Media More Social Interaction

On our little journey to downsizing our lives and just living simply I think the biggest offender that inhibits living a simple life has been staring me right in the face. I believe it to be all forms of social media/ networking. I pride myself on not constantly having my nose lurking on social medias during dinner times, conversations, and just living life HOWEVER in the past few months I have realized that's not really the case. Why is it that I have to be doing two things at once? While watching a movie I check Instagram. While nobodies talking at a gathering, I check Facebook. I record myself singing in my car on snapchat and it all just seems so stupid the more I think about it.

What happened to family dinners? What happened to writing letters? There is something so much more intimate and meaningful in doing these things that people this day and age will never understand. When Kyle was deployed we had a leather bound book that we passed back and forth writing in it a few weeks each. When it was my turn to open the USPS package to see what Kyle had written me, a feeling of joy, happiness, contentment, love, just pure magic overwhelmed my body. Do people feel that way when they read a text message? A comment? Seeing his personal handwriting, some fun pictures, "I love you" straight from the heart means so much more. 

We are so caught up in getting the most likes or comments that we are sorely lacking spending time together. We are more focused on having a wifi connection than a personal connection. Be in the moment instead of focusing on what filter would look best. Make a memory for yourself not for the world to see. 

The first step for me to be more focused on social interactions was to go all out and delete at least one of the three social networks that I am so entangled in. I don't use twitter, I could never get into it. I just don't get it. I use Facebook, Instagram, and snapchat the most. The first that I just completely detached myself from was Snapchat. I think it's fun to send my friends silly faces that will only last for 10 seconds but what's the point? I'd rather have fun filled conversations in person. Although, I really enjoyed the drawing aspect to make funny pictures with the doodle pen it just made no sense. If I want to talk to someone I will text them and get together with them. Why do I need to make a story of how good my hair looks today along with the car license plate saying "GUILTY". Who cares? I mean sure, I'm hilarious when it comes to jamming out in the car to tunes but come for a ride me with me instead of a 10 second clip. Hang out with me in person then just getting a glimpse of what my life looks like.

We are in an age of pure narcism. We love to look at ourselves instead of others. I don't want to be this person. When "selfies" have become more popular than being "selfless" and people my age and younger feel more entitled to things than to work for them, I don't want to be apart of that problem which I think comes from social media. Don't get me wrong, I really do love staying connected with friends and family on facebook and I love looking at the pictures on instagram but I think it needs to be done all in moderation. I shouldn't care about the likes from strangers as much as I care about who really likes me in person. I want the days of playing outside, coming in for family dinner, watching a movie together, reading a book, relaxing, enlightening myself, and just being freed of mindless chatter. I want to be valued as the person I really am not the one I am assumed by social media. I don't want people to know me by my status' and pictures. I want them to know me by going out for a cup of coffee. Get to know me in the real world, I have a great laugh to share. If we decide to use social networking less and get out into the world more, life will be more simple. We won't covet the things we don't have, we won't take things out of context of what people are saying, we won't seek attention. We will just live. Make relationships that are more than just over the internet.

Make Your Soul Smile

I have a soul. I am a soul. I have a body. 

This quote is always a good reminder that we are not made for this world. We are only here for a short time and we really need to be focusing on eternity. I think when you are to focused on this world, the here and now, you cheat yourself out of a happy, great life. This world is fading. This world is crazy. If we look to the things not of this world we will find joy in life.  

I like to make my soul smile. I try to find the things that really make me feel more than "human". I'm not talking about having some super hero power...although that'd be AWESOME (I definitely want to fly)...but I enjoy doing things that, well, make my soul smile. I hope everyone has experienced "soul smiling". Signs of this include (but are not limited to): giggling, smirks and/or smiles, goosebumps, singing songs in your head and/or aloud, losing track of time while doing said activity, and just joyful feelings. 

Art makes my soul smile. I think art is an amazing, raw expression of your emotional being. Sometimes, you don't even know why you're creating what it is you are making but you just like how it looks. When I posted a picture of flowers coming out of my "sleeping beauty" mouth my mom asked "but what does it mean?" and I really didn't have an answer. It was just an idea that I really liked and put it on paper. You don't have to be good to be an artist. Draw because you like it. Paint because it makes you smile. Express yourself in a way that gives you goosebumps. 

You don't have to show people your art if you don't want to but don't let anyone ever tell you you don't have the talent to do something that makes your soul smile. If I listened to people's critiques about my artwork...I would never post it. 

"Well that doesn't really look like you"

"I mean it's cool"

"It's really good I just don't understand it"

Everyone is entitled to their opinions but I don't let other people dictate what it is that I do with my life. 

Especially when it comes to what makes me happy. 

Art isn't just painting or drawing. There are so many ways to express yourself through writing, dancing, just find what makes you light up inside. I am by no means a professional dancer but take me to a wedding and I will be THE FIRST ONE ON THAT DANCE FLOOR. I don't care who is looking at me, who is judging me, dancing lights me up. I can bust a move like it's nobody's business. I dance in the back room at work when nobody's watching or when everyone is watching.

Being silly makes my soul smile. I love being crazy. I want my niece and my nephews to refer to me as being the crazy aunt. I don't want to be crazy in the "she's psychotic and seems unstable" way. I want to be crazy in the "she is so loud but hilarious I want to be her friend, take whatever she's taking, give me some of that joy" way. Anytime I'm around my friends, the greatest joy I get is making them laugh, being stupid, making faces, just feeding off each others silliness. My husband is my number one partner in crime for the silliness. Doing pretty much anything with him will make me smile. We have nerf gun wars, tickle fights, scare videos, oh the list goes on and on to just have fun.
I want to laugh until my belly hurts. I want to laugh until tears cloud up my eyes. I want to laugh until noises can no longer be formed because my vocal chords locked up. This is probably the easiest way to make your soul smile if you ask me. Find friends, find family, find strangers that will help you find your crazy. The good kind not the I'm going to have a horror movie based after me kind.

Last thing I can say about soul smiling is read your bible and pray. You may not be religious. You may not believe in God but I'm telling you He's there. If there is one thing I am totally sure of in my life it's that God is with you always even if you turn your back to Him. I talk about making my soul smile as if I am deeply connected to it and feel it because I am connected to it and I do feel it. Everyone is a soul. I can feel mine because I am constantly aware that I am not made for this world because of the Holy Spirit that resides in me. I have to admit there are times when I fade away and don't read my bible, don't pray as often and I lose touch with the holy spirit. When that happens I really do feel disconnected from my soul. Maybe you've never really felt your soul smile and if not try praying. Try reading the bible. We should be focusing on eternity cause this world is fading. God has such a bigger plan than you could even imagine for yourself. I'm so thankful to know what makes my soul smile. Take time to find what makes your soul smile as soon as you possibly can! 

Tea and Television

Kyle and I have been married for 3 years and 9 months. That's longer than Kim Kardashian, Katy Perry, and Britney Spears' marriages COMBINED. In the words of Charlie Sheen ------>

Not that being married longer than those celebrities makes my marriage more AMAZING and, in fact, we should be appalled by the lack of respect that any of them have for marriage thinking that it's ok to just divorce and wed willy nilly. I think a lot of people want the big, glorious, fun party and don't focus on the days after the honeymoon and how you're not only signing a paper committing you legally but you're taking a VOW in front of witnesses and God to be bound together as one. I get pretty upset when people don't look at marriage as a life-long commitment but more like "well if it works, it works and if it doesn't well at least we tried." NO. NO NO NO NO NO! If a marriage is ending did you really try? Did you do everything you could to fix the problem whether it is you or your spouse or did you just decide you weren't "feeling" like it anymore?

I've made mistakes. I have regrets. But if my marriage was on troubled waters at any point in time I would take every ounce of energy to fix the problem. I would never throw it away. 

I am so thankful for my best friend. I always tell people that I married my best friend and I know everyone will say that about their spouse but that's good! That's so important in a marriage! You have to marry your best friend because you're going to spend everyday with them! I look at everyday that I spend with Kyle as a gift. We have disagreements and hard times but I never look back and think of those disagreements. I look back and think of this weekend spent with family watching him hold our nephew telling me "he has that baby smell I love". Makes me think of what a great dad he will be one day. I think of when we have a Nerf gun war at the childish ages of 23 and 25. I think of this past Wednesday when we spent hours cleaning out our bedroom and the bins filled with old army stuff, childhood toys, books, and other knick-knacks. Usually something like that could be boring or uneventful but because we were doing it together, it was fun, and I was thankful for the time spent together. I think of when we both weren't feeling well last night so I made us both a cup of tea and we watched The Walking Dead. It's amazing how something so simple as having a cup of tea and watching television could make me so happy. Just sitting there, together, I couldn't help but smile because there's nothing that could make that moment any better. 

When you focus on the simple things of life (which I have mentioned several times in past blogs) you will be happy. I promise. The best days spent with my husband are the ones that are with family, friends, or just us. We could be doing nothing or busy running errands. We could be cleaning out the apartment, or just drinking tea watching television. Whatever it is we do, I'll be happy because we're doing it together. 

3 years and 9 months down, a lifetime of fun and happiness to come. 

I should probably take my own advice.

Currently in life I work at a restaurant bar, I am married, I live in an apartment,  and I am not taking any classes but I have met all prerequisites to apply to the nursing program at my local community college. However, in my three attempts to apply (there's no wait list it's just apply until you get in kind of like a lottery) I have not made the cut for the program. The upsetting news broken to me via e-mail simply says "you meet all the requirements for the nursing program this coming semester however the class is full". Oh. OK.

I cried. I then called my husband and in all of his wisdom and kindness tried to console me but I wasn't having it. The things he said were true; keep trying. You'll get in one day. You're smart. All things that would help me pull it together and should comfort me but I just had no interest in hearing any of it. I wanted to be sad. I took some deep breathes, tried to pull myself together because (I forgot to mention) I was at work on break when I read this devastating email, for the third time. As I shook some margaritas for the friday night rush, some tears streamed down my cheeks as I tried to avoid eye contact with any of my customers and co-workers.

Once I left work, I got a bottle of wine had a few glasses and was consoled by the warm embrace of my oh so loving husband as a few tears welled up in my eyes.

Now in reading this I don't want you to feel bad for me. I was you to virtually smack me across the face. Yes I have a right to be upset in some way for trying so hard and not getting in but I should not wallow in the upsetting news when I have SO much to be thankful for and so much good happening in my life. 

I have a problem, that I think most people suffer from as well which is comparing your life to other peoples. I look at other friends my age who have graduated college, started their careers and are building their job titles. I can't compare myself to those people because guess what: they may be looking at me and feeling the same way. "I'm not married yet, I'm not building a home or family just yet and I want to." I look at them and say "I want my big girl job." That thinking has to stop. I have to take a bit of my own advice and realize my chapter 4 in life isn't the same as other people who are my age. Most importantly there is nothing wrong with that. I made decisions in life to change my major which threw me off the education course into something different and now it's taking a little longer. So what. I'll get there someday. 

I am so thankful to have married my best friend at 19 and to some that might be crazy and unreasonable but it was the best decision I have ever made in life to this day. In my first two years of marriage I still took classes and worked through that as well. It's hard but it's worth it and I have a very supportive husband throughout it all. The second I think about other peoples lives, I then complicate my own and almost do it and in justice. I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way. Maybe you're my age and are angry you aren't in a committed relationship, married, making more money, living in a house, whatever it may be but you have to remember that all good things happen when they happen. You can't rush the good stuff. 

I will be a nurse one day. AND even if I realize that maybe that's not what I should do, wherever God leads me, I will do whatever with happiness, joy, love, commitment, honor, integrity, and all things that will make my life enjoyable. I will stop comparing my story to others because I really like my story and don't want to change it. I have to stop reading other peoples books and focus on how good the one I have is. I'm happy right now and that's what matters. I shouldn't but upset over one thing when I have so many other blessings to smile about!