"I Just Like Looking at the Stars"

Kyle and I decided it would be cool to go to the movies on Christmas day to see the last of The Hobbit trilogy. We were not disappointed but this post is not a movie review but rather what happened after the movie. As we were leaving the theater I got in the car and Kyle (along with a few other good people) stopped a young kid no older than 18 driving a ford truck away from the parked car that he has just hit. It wasn't a major collision but enough to damage the front of the car and he was ready to just drive away! Kyle had told him the right thing to do and whether of not he was going to do it was up to him. Kyle and I waited to see what he would do next. We saw him run inside the theater, talk to an employee, return to his car and drive away. We had already called the police to give his information and they had asked us to wait by the damaged parked car so we did. 

Now I was tired. The movie was 2 1/2 hours, it started at 10:30 and at this point in time, after all the waiting of watching this immature kid make poor decisions on how to handle this situation, I could have easily been so crabby and mad and tired, but it was such a nice opportunity just to look up. We waited a good 20 minutes for the officer to arrive and while we were waiting, the parking lot lights had turned off and I just stopped and stared at the stars. Oh my goodness how bright they were. I couldn't help myself but to tell Kyle "wow look at how twinkly the stars are". Stupid sounding, I know, but I was tired and couldn't think of a synonym for "twinkly". I then began to recall my astronomy class in high school and pointed out Orion's belt, Kyle made a Men in Black comment (the cat in the movie was called Orion) then we sat back and Kyle opened up the sunroof and we just starred at the stars (for a short time cause it was quite cold). 

It was such a simple gesture but that small action was so loving and opened up such a sweet conversation.  

"I just like looking at the stars thinking about how they're billions of miles away. Heard someone call it pinholes to heaven once. Makes you feel pretty insignificant in life."- Emily

"Yeah I was interested in looking up information about our galaxy and black holes. They're pretty cool to read about. It's weird to think about us here on this small planet, moving in a universe." -Kyle

We were in a movie theater parking lot, trying to do the right thing for someone and it turned into a wonderful time together. We could have easily drove home, said nothing, called no one, gone to bed and not be affected by it at all. Instead we appreciated the time together, we looked up and appreciated God's work. When the cop showed up and Kyle got out and wrote a statement, I continued to look up and started praying thinking about the God of the Universe and His infinite power and artistry in the sky. I remember people saying "why would God make all the universes and solar systems" and the best answer is if you're an artist, do you paint just to give to others or do you sometimes use your talent for yourself and your own pleasure? That's what God did, created a universe for his own glory and power. Looking out into the sky made me feel really small...but in a good way! We should be reminded daily that our problems are not real problems in comparison to how big the world is. We need to just enjoy the time we have together with each other, stop in our busy, hectic lives, and just look up at the beauty of our small world.

I have to admit, it was such a beautiful way to end our simple Christmas. I am thankful for the man I married that we can just stop and look at the stars together.

Commercialized Christmas

Ah Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year. Or is it? I ask every single one my guests at the bar what they are doing for Christmas this year and 85% of them have a less than enthusiastic response. What is is even more upsetting is that last night, I was treated like garbage the entire night at work all because of the people who were beyond cranky from their mall shopping experience. "I want a 50 dollar gift card! Where's my soup? Where's my burger?!" PEOPLE PLEASE I am doing everything I can to make your experience at my job and enjoyable dinner so please, don't treat me like your servant I am simply your server. So why has Christmas become such a nuisance? What happened to the child-like love for the holidays? Why have Americans become Scrooges and Grinches? GIFTS. The need to buy presents causes mass chaos in all department stores with trampling, greed, anger, frustration, and just the complete opposite of what Christmas should be about. In my perfect world we wouldn't get each other gifts and not because we wouldn't want to give to each other but because we would realize that we aren't the ones who need to be given things. I wish we could take the hundreds of dollars we spend on each other and give it to people who actually are in NEED of something. People who need food, clothes, household items.
Christmas should simply be about the CHRIST. I mean after all, that's why we celebrate it isn't it? The day the world received a savior? That's something to be celebrated, praised, worshipped, in awe at! Yet instead of focusing every day of December on the real meaning of Christmas we are too busy stressing ourselves out on what would be the best gift for all the people in our lives who already have everything that they need. SO PLEASE, I beg of you this Christmas Eve, don't buy in to the commercialized Christmas and lose sight of the joy in this season, the wonder, the magic. Look into the best gift that you could EVER receive from the man who came down from Heaven to save us from the constant need to impress and be apart of this world. Treat Christmas like thanksgiving and give thanks to be with your family and friends this Christmas Season!!!

"I celebrate the day that You were born to Die that I could one day PRAY FOR YOU TO SAVE MY LIFE"

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE 

Deathbed

It's interesting how in life we should really be focusing on our death because it will give us the insight on how to really live. Someone once said to me some wise words of "No one on their deathbed will be wishing that they worked more", or drank more, or partied more, or slept more, or bought more, and it really made me stop and re-evaluate where my mind was. Working 40 hour work weeks just to make ends meet or work to save money to have things that in my mind I "think" that I should have just doesn't seem like the right way to live. I've created this blog to breathe life in to the idea of living in the way that is that OPPOSITE of the world. After all, as a Christian we are called to be NOT of this world. And if you're not a Christian, this is just basic bettering your life choices! Being less stressed, less worried, and overall more happy. A lot of what America is about is getting rich quick, make money to buy stuff or getting an education to get a great paying job to buy all the things you want and don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with an education. There is nothing wrong with getting paid a lot of money. I just have to stop and think that when I know death is near am I really going to care that I made 100,000 dollars a year? Or am I going to look back and think "wow, I loved all the places that I lived/ visited" and "I love having all those wonderful family memories". There is so much more to this life because of the life that is happening after our deathbed. There needs to be a balance of spending too much money (what it is that you're spending it on) and saving it all for "rainy days".

I quickly just pinterested "how to live life" and the first 20 pins were all about money. How to save it, how to spend it, how to invest in it, how to not live paycheck to paycheck. That is DEFINITELY not what life is about and if anyone is going to tell you that money is what makes life go round, I feel sorry for that person for they will never truly live. Yes, you need to work to make money in order to afford necessities in life but what exactly are the necessities? Food, clothes, a roof and the things that need to work underneath that roof. That, to me, are all the necessities that you need in life. However there are variations to all those that can make life unbearable. You can want a mansion, yet not truly be able to afford heating and electric for it and end up bankrupt from that roof that you thought was a necessity. Kyle and I desire a small home, one that fits the necessities of life. A room to cook, a room to sleep, a room to relax. Small enough to heat or cool down without spending a fortune. Small enough where we don't have to work a million hours to just pay bills (and die). 

I want to explore. I want to move. I want to see the world. I don't care if my bank account gets to 100,000 dollars. I want to live my life for the life that is unseen. I want to be on my deathbed and think about my family, my small home, my explorations, and most of all my Christian walk with God. What do you want to see from your deathbed? Do you really think you're going to be thinking about your savings? Your bills? God explore, go see the world, go help people, go be free.

Tiny house (on wheels or not)

First blog post for me.  I don’t consider myself a good writer by any means so here are my ramblings

Love these Tiny Homes

Immediately after watching “Tiny” on Netflix my head was filled with ideas of Emily and me living in our own tiny house.  I didn’t think of all the hurdles you would have to get over first to get there and all the problems that could arise.  First and foremost I was most excited about the aspect of getting rid of all our crap.  Crap to me is everything we own that I don’t touch at least once a week.  Whether it is my old action figures and Legos I’ve had since a kid or clothes that I think I might wear sometime in the future.  After that I immediately went on to thinking about how I could possibly have fast reliable internet in our tiny home on wheels.  How will I get electricity and water and heat?  Some of those questions I still have no clue as to how it would be feasible but the idea that one day we could have a tiny house still excites me.  

So after contemplating all of these things I begin to scour the internet for places we could park a tiny house that would be able to provide a water hookup, electricity and internet.  I pretty much found nothing, mobile home parks didn’t respond to my emails and that was a last resort idea anyways.  The only feasible way I see it working is if we could park the house on someone’s land and then just run lines under the ground to our home.  So why not just buy a smaller home?  That is the idea that pretty much killed the tiny house (on wheels) for me.  I wouldn’t have to worry about any of my other problems.  While it will be more expensive and I won’t be off the grid (something that I don’t really care about) it can still by cozy and awesome. 

 

Our Old Apartment!

Not long after all this happened we were presented with the opportunity to move in with a family member who was an hour and a half away.  That meant my commute would consists of a 105 mile drive to work and Emily would have to switch schools and find a new job.  The idea of not paying rent and saving money made me not care about the commute.  We could still get rid of a lot of our stuff and start saving towards a house.  I consulted some of my close friends and parents and asked them what they thought of the idea.  Then a week later my parents offered their basement.  While we would have much less space it was only 1.5 miles down the road from our apartment.  No crazy long commute and Emily could keep her job and stay in the same school.  After we talked about it we pulled the trigger and began making plans to move into my parent’s basement.  Yes I said it my parent’s basement. 

Some might consider moving back in with your parents as a step backwards but for us this is a huge step forwards.  I went out and rented a storage unit to store our “crap” and began making trips, loading up my hatchback with as much as I could.  Then earlier this month we rented a U-Haul and moved everything out of our apartment and about ¾ of stuff went into storage and the rest came to my parents.  

What’s in store for the future?

Well Emily will be going back to school soon and then hopefully nursing school full time in the fall.  We will continue saving money and may have to move into another apartment again but at this point I really don’t want to rent anymore.  I’m very thankful for the opportunity my parents are giving us and plan on using the time well to continue saving our money.  I’ve also taken a look at some USAA loans and think that in the future we can afford our own tiny home in the area.  A lot of that depends on what kind of hours Emily works once she is a full time student again so time will tell.  I think also I won’t use the term “Tiny House”.  A 2 bedroom 1 bathroom house isn’t what I consider tiny.  I’m excited for the future and excited to continue getting rid of crap we don’t need.

Don't talk to me before I've had my Coffee.

I am not a morning person. When my alarm sounds, I usually shut it off, fall back asleep unaware of the responsibilities I am now neglecting that day, wake up an hour later, stare at the ceiling wondering what happened to being 5 years old and contemplating my life choices before 8. Now having the inevitable responsibility of rejoining society for that day I find some sort of strength to sit up and stare at the end of the bed instead of the pop corned ceilings. Why can't my greatest struggle in life be which doll I'm going to play with at daycare today? Or even how I'm going to get away with eating Oreos before dinner while mom's at work? No, instead I

ready myself for the 40 hour work week ahead, wifely duties, and all around adult responsibilities, on my mind, before 9. Now that I am no longer a zombie but a post pubescent boy (that's how I sound when I awake in the morning. It's a mixture of that and just sounding sick) I shuffle along to the kitchen to make my morning elixir.

OH coffee. Sweet, sweet coffee. You can be so many delightful flavors, roasts, from different countries, villages, just so delightfully delicious and powerful! My personal favorites? Well Gevalia for sure and not because of that cute Swed in all the commercials having housewives swoon over him. Their french roast is ON POINT. Of course any Starbucks coffee is my go too. When I oversleep for two hours I just pick one up instead of brewing my own but you can also find Starbucks in BULK at Sam's Club or BJ'S. Freeze your beans and never be without this caffeinated delight. Never. The best coffee though, my go to every morning is from Santo Domingo from the Dominican Replublic. Oh yes, when I travel there I buy in BULK. It is the best coffee that I have ever had hands down! Even during the hot mornings there I still have my cup of coffee to wake me up for the missions work day ahead! 

I never used to like coffee but I specifically remember that my second semester finals when I started college were a doozy. A friend said coffee held her over during the rough collegiate testing time. So, I went to the quick stop there and got myself a cup of regular coffee. Added cream and sugar of course since it was my first time and I hated the bitterness but after years of tasting and appreciating to complexity of the beverage, I now can just do coffee and a dash of cream. 

Now a days it is essential to my morning routine. I cannot be bothered until I have had a cup of coffee. No intellectual thoughts will emerge from my being before my blood has been dosed with coffee. No bright eyed cheery human will stand before you without some regular regulating inside me. My voice will not return to it's womanly state  (it really is quite funny to hear my voice when I first wake up it sounds like a man) unless I have some coffee to wake me up. No work of integrity will be done at my place of employment or home unless I have had a kick in the nervous system. No, none of these things can be accomplished in life unless coffee is the first part of my day! So please, if you every have the opportunity to wake me up or see me in the morning, make sure to not talk to me, or survey the surroundings in search of a freshly used coffee pot or empty coffee cup to ensure a delightful morning with me.

Why Thanksgiving is the Absolute Best

Ah November 1st. The day after Halloween in which we gorge ourselves with all the candy we acquire via either our children or workplace or just purchasing for 50% off because that's the best way to get 100 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. We wipe away  the makeup of our zombie painted faces we were too tired to shower off the previous night and wake up to look even more terrifying than the actual costume was on Halloween night. Yes the first day of November always proves to be the most entertaining and nauseating after eating more candy than the directed amount from the Surgeon General.
Though most people enjoy that first day of November for the sugar shock, I enjoy the last week or November more. Thanksgiving is literally the best holiday ever. I don't care what your opinions are, you can try to convince me otherwise but for now, you're going to sit there and read this because it's the right thing to do. HERE'S WHY it's my favorite.

1. Food
First reason it's the absolute best is because of the amount of food that happens at this holiday. Although some might say that Christmas also has the same smörgåsbord that Thanksgiving does, I believe it to have far better comfort foods. They just taste particularly more delicious than any other holiday. Turkey, mashed potatoes, turnips, turkey, sweet potatoes, green been casserole, turkey, cranberry both canned and relished, stuffing, corn, did I mention the turkey? And why is it that turkey is so fabulous? It makes you want to take a nap. There is literally a chemical released that makes you tired. WHAT A GREAT COMBO...eating food then taking a nap while the football game is on. HOW AWESOME. Maybe the next points won't matter cause that's the number one reason right there!

2. NO presents
I love that there is no gift giving at this holiday. I don't say this because I hate giving gifts it's just so much stress goes with finding the perfect gift as well as my least favorite question which is "what do you want?". I don't know I have everything I need and want at this moment in time but I'll get back to you. The older I get the less I care about receiving gifts and the less I want them. Especially with my mentality of living simply, I don't need more clutter in my life. I also don't think telling people that "cash is fine" is an unacceptable answer. The answering what I want question is just as painful as finding what to get task. Finding gifts is painful. I try to be creative and put heart into the choices but end up with jewelry, knick knacks, or gift cards. Also to be honest, I think gift cards are the perfect gift because then I have options of what I might actually use than waiting in line to return. BUT YOU SEE THIS IS ALL AVOIDED on thanksgiving...the best holiday ever.

3. Giving Thanks
I tell most people that Thanksgiving to me is what Christmas should be. Don't misconstrue what I am saying because I do love Christmas and celebrating the day that the savior of the world was born and even Easter, the day he died where we pray for Him to save our lives but thanksgiving, we just come together as a family without gifts, sitting around, chatting, and saying what we are thankful for. I'm not sure if any other families actually sit around saying what they are thankful for but my husband's family will write their thanks anonymously on paper leaves then we throw it into a basket pass it around and pick one. We then sit around read off our leaf and guess who wrote it. Some people take it seriously, some make a joke, some make it obvious but either way it's a wonderful time we just sit around and actually say what it is we were thankful for that year!


4. It's Fall
My favorite time of year. All of my favorite colors seen in the foliage of New England, football season, apple picking, and pumpkin season. AND I'm not all about the pumpkins for the pumpkin spiced lattes but pumpkin pie, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, pumpkin donuts, basically anything food oriented with real pumpkin. The other reason? The crisp cold air when you take a deep breath in you can smell the fire wood burning a distance away, it's my all time favorite thing. AND what's best about it being fall? Thanksgiving, duh. And that day usually involves all the best things about fall. It's a wonderful never ending circle of awesomeness. Fall means thanksgiving which is fall which means thanksgiving....you see my madness here.

SO there you have it kids. If that doesn't convince you why thanksgiving is the best holiday that ever holiday'd, well then you are sorely missing out.

Cooking: the best and worst thing ever

I LOVE FOOD. 

"The way to my heart is through my stomach" should be written on my grave stone because food is not only essential to life, but one's true happiness. I am by no means a world class chef nor would I defeat Bobby Flay on one of his many cooking shows but I find that I enjoy chopping veggies on my wonderful large cutting board (found at Ikea for only 10 dollars I might add), trying out new and adventurous recipes, and just having my home filled with the aromas of meats, herbs, sauces, soups, just makes me smile. NOT TO MENTION knowing that I have created a delightfully wonderful meal to share with my husband is all the more rewarding.

I was fortunate enough to have a mother that didn't believe in canned vegetables and that every meal should consist of at least one starch, meat, and vegetable. She will also make enough food to feed a small country when she's only invited 5 people over and will talk nervously about how she probably doesn't have enough. It's actually quite adorable but makes me mad because I just want her to enjoy her hard work paying off as everyone sits and delights in the deliciousness but instead she thinks about making another cake to go with her homemade Creme Bru Le (and it's to DIE for. PS Mom if you're reading this I love you, and you'd win Top Chef). I also have a father who considers himself to be an "Italian stallion" of the kitchen and, in my mind, he is hands DOWN the king of sandwiches. I don't care about Food Networks supposed Sandwich King (ironically enough his name is also Jeff) because he's got nothing on my dad. It always seems that the things I make are never as good as "mom" or "dads" homemade meals. I could follow their recipes to a T and still not be completely satisfied with the outcome. I guess that's just the magic parental touch of love they bring to the stove top.

So what's the best and worst thing about cooking? Well I have found by far the perfect picture to capture the pros and cons of trying to become Julia Childe: 

Well of course the positive outcome of cooking is the end result and hopefully without any burns, rawness, lack of flavor, and just lack of delight. On the food of course. On your person, that I can't promise won't happen. Why even tonight, while making my homemade meatballs in homemade tomato sauce, I somehow ran into a wall. No I'm not speaking in metaphors of a block in the road of creativity, I literally bashed my head into the wall. While harnessing the spirit of Giada De Laurentis, I was cleaning off the counter, heading for the garbage when a spoon fell off the counter startling me and hence the sudden bash into the wall as I turned to look at what was happening to my glorious home-made meal. Luckily that wasn't as bad as the many burns, scrapes, scars, fogged glasses, and missing ingredients you could have sworn were in your cabinet only to discover gnomes had taken for their home. No, if hitting my head was the only terrible part of the food making process this evening, then I must deem tonights dinner a great success and chocolate chip cookies were certainly devoured to celebrate. 

I try to cook the way my mother does. Less canned more fresh, from scratch, just to show the love and time put in to make sure you're bellies appreciate the hard work. All in all I will admit, it will always taste better too. I made a delicious homemade pork tenderloin where you cut slits every 1/2 inch or so, take an apple and place the slices in between the cuts, drizzle with cinnamon, honey, and a chopped onion as well as extra apples slices around the tenderloin, in the crockpot on low for 4 hours. I put a little apple cider at the bottom of the crockpot and BOY was it DELICIOUS. SO EASY TOO. I wasn't feeling so hot that day so to be able to just throw such easy ingredients into the pot and relax is by far the best thing that any amateur cook could ask for. Even an experienced cook! I doubt Ina Garten cooks for Jeffery like that every single day. Okay, she probably does cause that's her only job and she's living it up in the Hampton's where life is a dream. For me however I work Monday through Friday sometimes all day so to be able to do about 5 minutes of prep and then let a kitchen appliance do the rest of the work, call me Emeril Lagasse. POW! Is that what he says? Maybe it's boom. Whatever. POINT IS ain't nobody got time for spending hours upon hours in the kitchen unless it's thanksgiving so keep it simple (stupid). Do what makes you smile and enjoy the eating part more than the prepping part. At least that's what keeps me coming back to the kitchen. That and I inherited my parents natural talent for cooking so, good pick Kyle. I'm such a keeper. 

Less Social Media More Social Interaction

On our little journey to downsizing our lives and just living simply I think the biggest offender that inhibits living a simple life has been staring me right in the face. I believe it to be all forms of social media/ networking. I pride myself on not constantly having my nose lurking on social medias during dinner times, conversations, and just living life HOWEVER in the past few months I have realized that's not really the case. Why is it that I have to be doing two things at once? While watching a movie I check Instagram. While nobodies talking at a gathering, I check Facebook. I record myself singing in my car on snapchat and it all just seems so stupid the more I think about it.

What happened to family dinners? What happened to writing letters? There is something so much more intimate and meaningful in doing these things that people this day and age will never understand. When Kyle was deployed we had a leather bound book that we passed back and forth writing in it a few weeks each. When it was my turn to open the USPS package to see what Kyle had written me, a feeling of joy, happiness, contentment, love, just pure magic overwhelmed my body. Do people feel that way when they read a text message? A comment? Seeing his personal handwriting, some fun pictures, "I love you" straight from the heart means so much more. 

We are so caught up in getting the most likes or comments that we are sorely lacking spending time together. We are more focused on having a wifi connection than a personal connection. Be in the moment instead of focusing on what filter would look best. Make a memory for yourself not for the world to see. 

The first step for me to be more focused on social interactions was to go all out and delete at least one of the three social networks that I am so entangled in. I don't use twitter, I could never get into it. I just don't get it. I use Facebook, Instagram, and snapchat the most. The first that I just completely detached myself from was Snapchat. I think it's fun to send my friends silly faces that will only last for 10 seconds but what's the point? I'd rather have fun filled conversations in person. Although, I really enjoyed the drawing aspect to make funny pictures with the doodle pen it just made no sense. If I want to talk to someone I will text them and get together with them. Why do I need to make a story of how good my hair looks today along with the car license plate saying "GUILTY". Who cares? I mean sure, I'm hilarious when it comes to jamming out in the car to tunes but come for a ride me with me instead of a 10 second clip. Hang out with me in person then just getting a glimpse of what my life looks like.

We are in an age of pure narcism. We love to look at ourselves instead of others. I don't want to be this person. When "selfies" have become more popular than being "selfless" and people my age and younger feel more entitled to things than to work for them, I don't want to be apart of that problem which I think comes from social media. Don't get me wrong, I really do love staying connected with friends and family on facebook and I love looking at the pictures on instagram but I think it needs to be done all in moderation. I shouldn't care about the likes from strangers as much as I care about who really likes me in person. I want the days of playing outside, coming in for family dinner, watching a movie together, reading a book, relaxing, enlightening myself, and just being freed of mindless chatter. I want to be valued as the person I really am not the one I am assumed by social media. I don't want people to know me by my status' and pictures. I want them to know me by going out for a cup of coffee. Get to know me in the real world, I have a great laugh to share. If we decide to use social networking less and get out into the world more, life will be more simple. We won't covet the things we don't have, we won't take things out of context of what people are saying, we won't seek attention. We will just live. Make relationships that are more than just over the internet.

Make Your Soul Smile

I have a soul. I am a soul. I have a body. 

This quote is always a good reminder that we are not made for this world. We are only here for a short time and we really need to be focusing on eternity. I think when you are to focused on this world, the here and now, you cheat yourself out of a happy, great life. This world is fading. This world is crazy. If we look to the things not of this world we will find joy in life.  

I like to make my soul smile. I try to find the things that really make me feel more than "human". I'm not talking about having some super hero power...although that'd be AWESOME (I definitely want to fly)...but I enjoy doing things that, well, make my soul smile. I hope everyone has experienced "soul smiling". Signs of this include (but are not limited to): giggling, smirks and/or smiles, goosebumps, singing songs in your head and/or aloud, losing track of time while doing said activity, and just joyful feelings. 

Art makes my soul smile. I think art is an amazing, raw expression of your emotional being. Sometimes, you don't even know why you're creating what it is you are making but you just like how it looks. When I posted a picture of flowers coming out of my "sleeping beauty" mouth my mom asked "but what does it mean?" and I really didn't have an answer. It was just an idea that I really liked and put it on paper. You don't have to be good to be an artist. Draw because you like it. Paint because it makes you smile. Express yourself in a way that gives you goosebumps. 

You don't have to show people your art if you don't want to but don't let anyone ever tell you you don't have the talent to do something that makes your soul smile. If I listened to people's critiques about my artwork...I would never post it. 

"Well that doesn't really look like you"

"I mean it's cool"

"It's really good I just don't understand it"

Everyone is entitled to their opinions but I don't let other people dictate what it is that I do with my life. 

Especially when it comes to what makes me happy. 

Art isn't just painting or drawing. There are so many ways to express yourself through writing, dancing, just find what makes you light up inside. I am by no means a professional dancer but take me to a wedding and I will be THE FIRST ONE ON THAT DANCE FLOOR. I don't care who is looking at me, who is judging me, dancing lights me up. I can bust a move like it's nobody's business. I dance in the back room at work when nobody's watching or when everyone is watching.

Being silly makes my soul smile. I love being crazy. I want my niece and my nephews to refer to me as being the crazy aunt. I don't want to be crazy in the "she's psychotic and seems unstable" way. I want to be crazy in the "she is so loud but hilarious I want to be her friend, take whatever she's taking, give me some of that joy" way. Anytime I'm around my friends, the greatest joy I get is making them laugh, being stupid, making faces, just feeding off each others silliness. My husband is my number one partner in crime for the silliness. Doing pretty much anything with him will make me smile. We have nerf gun wars, tickle fights, scare videos, oh the list goes on and on to just have fun.
I want to laugh until my belly hurts. I want to laugh until tears cloud up my eyes. I want to laugh until noises can no longer be formed because my vocal chords locked up. This is probably the easiest way to make your soul smile if you ask me. Find friends, find family, find strangers that will help you find your crazy. The good kind not the I'm going to have a horror movie based after me kind.

Last thing I can say about soul smiling is read your bible and pray. You may not be religious. You may not believe in God but I'm telling you He's there. If there is one thing I am totally sure of in my life it's that God is with you always even if you turn your back to Him. I talk about making my soul smile as if I am deeply connected to it and feel it because I am connected to it and I do feel it. Everyone is a soul. I can feel mine because I am constantly aware that I am not made for this world because of the Holy Spirit that resides in me. I have to admit there are times when I fade away and don't read my bible, don't pray as often and I lose touch with the holy spirit. When that happens I really do feel disconnected from my soul. Maybe you've never really felt your soul smile and if not try praying. Try reading the bible. We should be focusing on eternity cause this world is fading. God has such a bigger plan than you could even imagine for yourself. I'm so thankful to know what makes my soul smile. Take time to find what makes your soul smile as soon as you possibly can! 

Tea and Television

Kyle and I have been married for 3 years and 9 months. That's longer than Kim Kardashian, Katy Perry, and Britney Spears' marriages COMBINED. In the words of Charlie Sheen ------>

Not that being married longer than those celebrities makes my marriage more AMAZING and, in fact, we should be appalled by the lack of respect that any of them have for marriage thinking that it's ok to just divorce and wed willy nilly. I think a lot of people want the big, glorious, fun party and don't focus on the days after the honeymoon and how you're not only signing a paper committing you legally but you're taking a VOW in front of witnesses and God to be bound together as one. I get pretty upset when people don't look at marriage as a life-long commitment but more like "well if it works, it works and if it doesn't well at least we tried." NO. NO NO NO NO NO! If a marriage is ending did you really try? Did you do everything you could to fix the problem whether it is you or your spouse or did you just decide you weren't "feeling" like it anymore?

I've made mistakes. I have regrets. But if my marriage was on troubled waters at any point in time I would take every ounce of energy to fix the problem. I would never throw it away. 

I am so thankful for my best friend. I always tell people that I married my best friend and I know everyone will say that about their spouse but that's good! That's so important in a marriage! You have to marry your best friend because you're going to spend everyday with them! I look at everyday that I spend with Kyle as a gift. We have disagreements and hard times but I never look back and think of those disagreements. I look back and think of this weekend spent with family watching him hold our nephew telling me "he has that baby smell I love". Makes me think of what a great dad he will be one day. I think of when we have a Nerf gun war at the childish ages of 23 and 25. I think of this past Wednesday when we spent hours cleaning out our bedroom and the bins filled with old army stuff, childhood toys, books, and other knick-knacks. Usually something like that could be boring or uneventful but because we were doing it together, it was fun, and I was thankful for the time spent together. I think of when we both weren't feeling well last night so I made us both a cup of tea and we watched The Walking Dead. It's amazing how something so simple as having a cup of tea and watching television could make me so happy. Just sitting there, together, I couldn't help but smile because there's nothing that could make that moment any better. 

When you focus on the simple things of life (which I have mentioned several times in past blogs) you will be happy. I promise. The best days spent with my husband are the ones that are with family, friends, or just us. We could be doing nothing or busy running errands. We could be cleaning out the apartment, or just drinking tea watching television. Whatever it is we do, I'll be happy because we're doing it together. 

3 years and 9 months down, a lifetime of fun and happiness to come. 

I should probably take my own advice.

Currently in life I work at a restaurant bar, I am married, I live in an apartment,  and I am not taking any classes but I have met all prerequisites to apply to the nursing program at my local community college. However, in my three attempts to apply (there's no wait list it's just apply until you get in kind of like a lottery) I have not made the cut for the program. The upsetting news broken to me via e-mail simply says "you meet all the requirements for the nursing program this coming semester however the class is full". Oh. OK.

I cried. I then called my husband and in all of his wisdom and kindness tried to console me but I wasn't having it. The things he said were true; keep trying. You'll get in one day. You're smart. All things that would help me pull it together and should comfort me but I just had no interest in hearing any of it. I wanted to be sad. I took some deep breathes, tried to pull myself together because (I forgot to mention) I was at work on break when I read this devastating email, for the third time. As I shook some margaritas for the friday night rush, some tears streamed down my cheeks as I tried to avoid eye contact with any of my customers and co-workers.

Once I left work, I got a bottle of wine had a few glasses and was consoled by the warm embrace of my oh so loving husband as a few tears welled up in my eyes.

Now in reading this I don't want you to feel bad for me. I was you to virtually smack me across the face. Yes I have a right to be upset in some way for trying so hard and not getting in but I should not wallow in the upsetting news when I have SO much to be thankful for and so much good happening in my life. 

I have a problem, that I think most people suffer from as well which is comparing your life to other peoples. I look at other friends my age who have graduated college, started their careers and are building their job titles. I can't compare myself to those people because guess what: they may be looking at me and feeling the same way. "I'm not married yet, I'm not building a home or family just yet and I want to." I look at them and say "I want my big girl job." That thinking has to stop. I have to take a bit of my own advice and realize my chapter 4 in life isn't the same as other people who are my age. Most importantly there is nothing wrong with that. I made decisions in life to change my major which threw me off the education course into something different and now it's taking a little longer. So what. I'll get there someday. 

I am so thankful to have married my best friend at 19 and to some that might be crazy and unreasonable but it was the best decision I have ever made in life to this day. In my first two years of marriage I still took classes and worked through that as well. It's hard but it's worth it and I have a very supportive husband throughout it all. The second I think about other peoples lives, I then complicate my own and almost do it and in justice. I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way. Maybe you're my age and are angry you aren't in a committed relationship, married, making more money, living in a house, whatever it may be but you have to remember that all good things happen when they happen. You can't rush the good stuff. 

I will be a nurse one day. AND even if I realize that maybe that's not what I should do, wherever God leads me, I will do whatever with happiness, joy, love, commitment, honor, integrity, and all things that will make my life enjoyable. I will stop comparing my story to others because I really like my story and don't want to change it. I have to stop reading other peoples books and focus on how good the one I have is. I'm happy right now and that's what matters. I shouldn't but upset over one thing when I have so many other blessings to smile about! 

LIFE LESSONS from Dr. Suess

Everyday is the same routine.
My work schedule doesn't ever change unless I am deathly ill or I decide to take a day off. I don't really do a whole lot on weekends, I hang out with my husband when we both have a mutual day off, I see friends occasionally when I'm not so exhausted but in my life, it's really always the same mundane schedule.

I'm sure you all feel the same way about your days; that life isn't all that "exciting" since you're not climbing mountains going into space or whatever it is that you think makes life interesting. 
Everyday is a gift though. So why don't we appreciate the gift of each day that we are given? We so easily lose sight of how wonderful everyday is because we're stuck waking up, eating, working, going home, watching TV, going to bed and then repeat. We forget to appreciate the fact that we woke up today when others didn't, that we have food to eat when others don't, that we have a job to pay for things when people can't seem to hold one down or find one, that we have a roof over our heads no matter how big or small when others have no place to call home, that we have electricity, that we have a bed, and all other things. Why do we so easily take for granted what we have in our life and complain?

This is sounding a lot like my last blog post but it's just always on my mind how people are so unaware of how BLESSED they are. And don't think I'm writing this to tell all of you: I'm also reminding myself. 

I just watched The Lorax on TV the other night and if you've never read the book or seen the movie I highly recommend it. Kid's movies (most of them) have the best lessons for adults. Dr. Suess tends to be my absolute FAVORITE author to do such things.

In The Lorax, he speaks for the trees to a guy who wants to tear them all down. I won't spoil the rest of the story but the main reason I love it so much is for it's most infamous quote: 

Read that. 

When you're done, read it again. 

Now this quote just means so much to me because I care about a lot of things. But what I care most about is the wellness of others. I am certainly a people pleaser and want the best for everyone that comes into my life. 

When I talk about Jesus :)

I believe in Christ (everyone I hope is well aware of that with the way that I live my life) and by having this faith and love and relationship with my savior, my life is better. It just is. It's hard to explain but I know people can see it. I want others to know that, to experience that, to feel what I feel everyday when I wake up. Christ makes me care about others. Christ makes me see how the things of this world are unimportant. Christ makes me see that everyday is a gift. 

If you don't have the faith or belief that I do don't worry I'm not going to bash you over the head with my bible because that won't do anything except give you a headache. However, that's what I care about most and need to share. And those in my life know that and don't mind that I talk about it. Hence why they are apart of my life. With that care Christ has given me, it helps me to make my life better and that's what I want to share with others: How to make your life better for the time being that we are here. 

Life lessons aren't there to make life easy but they are there to make life bearable, to find the joy in the small stuff. To care about things that will make it better! 

I love the fish bowl quote. I think as humans we overcomplicate EVERYTHING. There are complicated questions we ask throughout our life like what house I should buy, who I should marry, where I should live, what I should be when I grow up etc etc. These questions are all apart of the American Dream. An unnecessary lie we've all been told will bring us true happiness.  You don't need to get married to be happy. You don't need a big house to be happy. You don't need a job that will make you a lot of money to be happy. Do something that will show love, kindness, gratitude, happiness. Then you will find joy.Then you'll be happy.

Ok. I am sure that I have babbled on long enough for some of you so here's a synopses of everything I have just said to make it easier. 

Care about the things that aren't things. 

Say what you feel. 

Keep those in your life that accept you for who you are. 

Don't overcomplicate life: it's already complicated enough. 

Be yourself. 

Love. For me, it's love God, Christ, and others. And I'll have to say, it's made life worth living. 

Dr. Suess has wonderful thoughts, poems, and quotes that can touch the hearts of so many for different reasons. The Lorax makes me think about how much I care. If I didn't care, nothing would get better. People wouldn't get better. Life wouldn't be better. 

Where's My Fry Fill?

"We have unlimited, endless, bottomless fries and drinks that include soda's, ice tea's and lemonades" 

 If you don't know this yet I bartend at Red Robin. A wonderful, fun burger and brews joint that I do enjoy working at mainly because of my co-workers and great love of food in general. I've been there for three years now and have repeated that sentence probably hundreds of times. I was at a table today doing my spiel like I do at every table and really focused on the words I was saying. I don't know why I was really thinking about the words that were coming out of my mouth this time as opposed to all the other short speeches I have given but for some reason I just had a revelation of sorts while offering this endless opportunity.  

What I found was that what I was saying was crazy. We offer bottomless fries. UNLIMITED. As many as you can handle is how I put it as some sort of joke. No one can eat unlimited fries. I don't know why but I just instantly thought about how easy we have it here in America where we can go into an establishment and drink and eat as much as we possible want. What a privilege. What a way of life. A majority of people around the world struggle to just find clean water or their next meal and here I am 3 fry fills deep to one table asking me for another. 

"Where's my fry fill?" 

"Sorry sir, it takes 5 minutes to cook the fries and I wanted to make sure you had hot ones since the ones I got were cold" 

So I threw them out. What a waste. What impatience. Where's my fry fill? Do you need another fry fill? Can I have some more fries? So ridiculous how we look at food as not being so much a necessity in america but an option. We can go without eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner cause we know if I don't eat now, I will later. There are options. I need food to live sure that's a necessity but it's really my option to eat as little or as much as I want. How lucky. How fortunate. 

Maybe I'm crazy. I just think we need to be more thankful for this option. We waste so much of our energy on being mad at the fact it took a little bit longer to get our food when we go out or get mad that something wasn't hot enough, cold enough, whatever it may be. I am just thankful I have the option to eat whatever I want whenever I want. I'm thankful to be able to give people food who might not appreciate the fact that they are able to get as many fry fills as they want. I'm thankful for thinking this way and being more appreciative for the food I have in my home this very moment. I'm not saying you have the think the way I do but maybe just think about it. 

There are people who don't have food who would be more than happy to have that cold fry fill. Who would be happy to have three glasses of water and not have to ask for their refill. 

These are some of the boys that I absolutely adore from my trip to the Dominican. We put on a school day celebration for all the kids going to attend school that year and their families. We brought them food as well and I waited in line with these three boys squished between a hundred other families waiting to get food. They were hungry; they were thirsty; but they never once complained while waiting in line. 

When we finally got to the font of the buffet line they were very hesitant as to how much food to take and I told them they could take as much as their plate could fit. They took everything and ate everything. They were so happy and so thankful to get some food. I don't know how long it had been since their last meal but I was just thankful to be able to be with them and see them get a good meal. I had a water bottle filled with water and kept giving it to them. I filled it about four times (it was a 32oz water bottle) for them. They wouldn't ask but I kept asking "are you thirsty" and they would say yes and I'd give them water. They needed it more than I did. They were thirsty I was not. They were hungry. I was not. 

I guess hearing myself say "endless fry fills" and "endless drinks" just seems crazy that I am offering that to one person when I want to offer it to those three boys, or that entire town, or even that entire country. This life is too short to complain "where's my fry fill". 

Just be thankful. 

The Little Things

Let's talk about joy. Probably my favorite topic to talk about because so many people ask me all the time "why are you so happy". Now let me tell you there is a major difference between being JOYFUL and being HAPPY. Being happy is a temporary state of being. I'm happy when I have a guest at my table that is pleasant to talk to, polite, caring and considerate of all my other tables I am waiting on.

My emotion of happiness can change instantly when I have the guy who answers my question of "how are you doing today" with 

"I'll have a diet coke"

 or "slow down this isn't the highway where your mouth runs a hundred miles per hour" (yes a guest actually said that so I made sure to annunciate each word to his liking as slowly as humanly possible.)

Even for someone who seems to be SO HAPPY all the time there are definite things that deter me from continually being in a state of happiness. 

HOWEVER WITH THAT BEING SAID I can say that I am consistently choosing to be JOYFUL. I look at joy as a choice. You choose to let the bad things go and find joy in all you do. On the Christian side of things, I have always loved the acronym Jesus Others Yourself in that order. I find that when I put my savior and others before myself, the things that are presumable important for me become less of a worry or care and I just want to serve and honor others. 

When you choose joy, you feel good. And when you feel good, you do good. And when you do good, you inspire others to do the same. 

For those of you who haven't found the joy in life, I encourage you to do a few things: don't sweat the small stuff (or the big stuff) and find the joy in the little things. 

THESE are my little things: 

1. A nice cup of coffee or tea
2. Drawing, painting, any artistic anything that I can do 
3. My husband (though he isn't a "little" part of my life I find anything we do brings me joy) 
4. Food, cooking, eating 
5. Sleeping or just doing nothing in bed 
6. Helping others no matter how big or small the task may be 
7. Reading my bible and praying 
8. LAUGHING (about anything and everything) 
9. Listening to music and singing to said music no matter how terrible I sound
10. Friends, family, strangers
11. Dancing, whenever, wherever, with whomever
12. Quiet alone times 

Those are just a few things but I focus on all those things to help me smile and enjoy living. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or unhappy or get mad at that guy who said my mouth is a race car, I do, see, find one of these things and forget the negative. I choose joy. I find joy. I am joy. 

My husband and I went to Ikea yesterday 

We are still married after our venture BUT while we were there, I couldn't help just watching him like a creep and smiling at the joy he brings me on top of the little things like the cute bowls I got, the 99 cent candle, the huge cutting board. Yes they are "things" and not all physical things bring you true joy in life but I focused more on the manner that I got them and who I got them with. It was the perfect day together. It could have easily been disastrous If I was more picky about things and wanted to buy the entire store but everything you do in life is about choices and attitude. If you want to be happy, be happy. If you don't have joy in your life, find the joy in your life. If you get easily upset over things take a breath, remember that it doesn't REALLY matter, and think of the things that do matter.

I don't know why this makes me laugh so much but there is some truth to this silliness. When you think about how short life is do you want to spend your time being happy or JOYFUL.

I choose JOY! 
You should too. 

I Like That Dress

As I have started this journey of decluttering my life, the weekends will serve as the best time to begin this process since I have Saturdays and Sundays off from work. I paced around my apartment trying to think of where to begin. The books I don't read anymore? The art supplies that are probably dried out and ruined? All things that seemed really daunting to begin at this moment in time especially while I had two loads of laundry already going. Then it hit me that the best place to start was with clothes. Especially with fall right around the corner it might be a good time to figure out if I'm actually going to wear anything from last season. 

Now if you know me, you know I love fashion. I LOVE shopping, even if I go and buy one shirt, it brings a joy to my life that is probably ridiculous but I don't care. That gray sweater is cozy and will comfort me when I drink tea, watch movies, run errands, and be with me for all the things I do in life. That one sweater has great value to me. HOWEVER I have acquired a lot of sweaters and other clothing items that are essentially the exact same things. It's time to sift through the clones and find the originals!

 This is my closet: a small portion of my clothing resides here. I have 6 other drawers that serve their own organizational purposes:

1. Socks, intimates, tank tops
2. T-shirts and blouses
3. Shorts and pants
4. Workout clothes
5. Scarfs and belts
6. Pajamas 

SOUNDS PRETTY RIDICULOUS but I went through all those first and got rid of A TON of t-shirts from summer camps, random events, and other nonsense. That, I will admit, wasn't that hard. Half those things I would wear when I paint, clean, just crappy T-shirts. 

THE REAL CHALLENGE is attacking the closet. As you can see, my closet is crammed with clothing. My half is to the right and it is extended to the right more than the picture shows. It's obnoxious. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE CLOTHES the way Kyle loves his video games. So how do I detach myself from the clothes I presumable "can't live without". 

This is the question I asked myself with every piece I pulled out of my closet. BUT THEN something absolutely AMAZING happened. Every piece of clothing I own in my closet magically had some sort of great meaning in my life! 

LITERALLY THIS WAS MY LIFE FOR THE PAST HOUR 

I kept asking myself "would I buy this right now" but then I said "well I already have it, and I would wear it here if this scenario ever happened"etc. etc. I was justifying my clothes as if they were being judged. 

Batman understands. 

Finally I pulled it together and just pulled out all the stuff I haven't worn in the past 6 months or at least that I can remember. Some were easier to throw in the pile than others, but by the end, I was a champion of the closet de-cluttering. 

Here it is: in all it's 25% cut down glory! It even just LOOKS BETTER! 

I stood there, hands on my waist smiling at the first step to not caring so much. I now only had clothes that I truly enjoy wearing, that aren't just taking up unnecessary space in my closet. AND I can actually spread them out and see what I have now! 

It is also so wonderful to know that I am giving away some wonderful clothes to those who need it far more than I do. (I won't be donating the junky T's, just the good ones)

Let's Admire This Beaut:

It doesn't look as big as it actually is in person but I promise you, that's probably MORE than 25% of my wardrobe! I sent this picture to my husband (he is currently working) because I was SO proud of the progress that I made tonight! EVEN SHOES! I forgot to mention the amount of SHOES I am getting rid of! So when I sent him this picture, the first thing he asked me was if that was the "getting rid of pile." I replied yes and he said "I like that dress". INSTANTLY I knew what dress he was referring to. It was a dress I was on the fence about getting rid of: the dress I wore on our honeymoon.

GUESS IT'S KIND OF ROMANTIC that it was the dress I wore on our honeymoon, and the fact that he likes it, so I pulled back ONE THING from the mound. Still got a lot accomplished and it's a small start BUT at least I got something STARTED!

Now I have to wear that dress somewhere!